I’m not your average child psychologist. In fact, I’m surprised they’ve let me stay in the club this long. One of the primary differences between me and other professionals is that I don’t see myself as being more knowledgeable than the parents with whom I work. I don’t view myself as being an expert on autism or other pervasive developmental disabilities even though I have all of the fancy initials behind my name and advanced training in neurodevelopmental disabilities. When it comes to knowing how to raise a child with autism, parents are the real experts.
Parents of children with autism
have to deal with experts all the time. The list of areas of specialization
when it comes to children with special needs is endless. If you have a child
with autism, you are going to spend a significant amount of time dealing with
professionals. And let’s face it, sometimes professionals are really difficult
to deal with. Is there any way to make these professional relationships easier?
I think there is. There’s only so
much you can learn from a textbook. I had a crash course in this when I went
from a student to a practicing clinician. Theory on paper and theory in
practice were two entirely different entities.
However, when you learn how to put the two together in a delicate
balancing act, amazing results can happen. The key is finding a way to marry
theory with practice. This is the difficult task of any relationship between
parent and professional.
As an insider into the
professional side of things, I thought I would provide a few tips to assist in
making these relationships a bit easier and a bit more effective.
1.
Find the
Middle.
Let me explain what I mean by
this. It’s been my experience that parents tend to be divided into two groups:
Yay-sayers and Nay-sayers.
Yay-sayers are parents who tend
to agree with everything that the professional says or recommends. Yay-sayers
support the professional always even if they might disagree or have other ideas
because they don’t trust themselves as being experts in their child’s care.
Nay-sayers are on the other side
of the spectrum. These are parents who tend to disagree with everything that
that professional says or recommends. Yay-sayers do not support the
professional’s ideas because they don’t trust the professionals as being
experts in their child’s care.
Neither of these extremes is
surprising given how difficult it can be to work together and previous bad
experiences. In the instance of the Yay-sayers, they’ve been tricked into
thinking that they don’t know what’s best for their child and someone else
does. In the instance of the Nay-sayers, they’ve been failed by professionals
who were supposed to have their child’s best interests in mind.
I encourage parents to find the
middle ground. To acknowledge whatever side of the spectrum they fall on and to
take small steps towards the middle. To find a way to balance their own ideas
and expertise in working with their children with the professionals ideas and
expertise in working with their child.
For the Yay-sayers, the trick is
to find their voice and to begin to trust their instincts when it comes to
their child. Don’t be afraid to disagree. For the Nay-sayers, the trick is to
try to identify areas where the professional may be helpful and to focus on
those areas. Don’t be afraid to give their suggestions a try.
2.
Form a
Therapeutic Alliance
One of the very first things I
tell parents is: “You know your child better than I do.”
I don’t just say this because it
sounds good. I say it because I mean it. Unfortunately, not all professionals
feel this way and I’m sure many of you have experienced this. However, it
doesn’t mean you can’t still form a therapeutic alliance. It just means you
have to work much harder at it. The good news is that I have seen such powerful
work take place when the parents and professionals are able to work together as
a team.
You used to be able to have a
choice in selecting who you worked with. Unfortunately, restrictions imposed by
insurance companies and other financial limitations make it really difficult to
shop around for a compatible professional to work with. It used to be much
easier to be able to go therapist shopping. If you’re stuck without any other
options, try to work with what you have. Find the strengths in what the
professional has to offer no matter how small they might be.
3.
Always Check
Credentials
This may seem like a no-brainer
to some, but you would be surprised at how many professionals misrepresent
themselves. It’s important to be aware that just because a professional is
trained in child psychology does not necessarily mean that they’ve been trained
to work with children with autism.
I’m sure you do, but just in case
you don’t, be sure to ask for license or registration numbers for anyone
working with your children. You want to make sure that there is a medical board
of some sort that is governing their behavior.
I hope these help. And if a
professional has never told you, I’m telling you now- you are the expert when
it comes to taking care of your child.
The Mommy Psychologist, is a child
psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became
one herself. She’s a psychologist, freelance writer, and mother of a spirited
three year old boy, Gus. If she’s not running around after Gus, you can find
her running through the streets of Los Angeles prepping for her next marathon.
**One thing I like especially about her blog is that she has a section named, "Ask the Doc" where you can ask her a question and get a quick answer. I might have to remember that in the future for my own use!**
**One thing I like especially about her blog is that she has a section named, "Ask the Doc" where you can ask her a question and get a quick answer. I might have to remember that in the future for my own use!**
