Joy comes in the morning!

This morning began like any other.  

Noah woke up at 5:00 am and my hubby convinced me to come back to bed and leave Noah be in his room for awhile longer.  I dozed fitfully as I heard him jumping on his bed and complaining about the door still being shut with his grunts and fake-cries.

At 5:30 I got out of bed and opened the boys' bedroom door.  They both filed out and began their morning routine of watching cartoons and playing on the computer.  I said a quick prayer for some much needed energy and began making Mike's tea.

I took the dog outside to do his business.

Made Noah his waffle and juice.

Gave Sam his morning cookie and lemonade.

Brewed my cup of decaf and meandered over to the computer.

I only sat for a couple minutes as I checked my email before it was time to get Sam dressed and ready for his second day of 2nd grade.

I put him on the bus at 7:45 and headed back upstairs to the warm comfort of my computer and all my friends who live inside it.

And then, I saw this...

It didn't really register with me so I opened Jill's blog and it was then that I remembered.

Today is August 31st.

Today is the day Scary Mommy announces the winner of her & Soy Joy's $1,000.00 writing contest about Joy.

I was whooping and hollering my head off when I read that my submission about my boys, their autism, and their Boundless Joy had WON the contest!

I was on cloud 9 and quite possibly suffering the joyous effects of shock when I tweeted this...

I cannot thank Scary Mommy and Soy Joy enough for choosing my story.  I am not sure what has made me happier...winning the prize money or the realization that out of nearly 100 entries Jill liked my submission the best.

Today this screaming banshee is smiling!

This prize money could not have come at a better time for our family.  We are in desperate need of a new water heater that has been on the fritz for well over a year, we need repairs to our air conditioning unit, and Mike and I have yet to go away for even 1 night together since our marriage almost one year ago.

Happily I may just be able to hit all 3 birds with one stone!

One amazingly beautiful and blessed stone!

Our family and Autism

Last Saturday Mary Beth Neuvalis from Medill News Service visited our home to meet with the boys and I about an upcoming story she was writing on the autism debate.  When I first spoke with Mary Beth on the phone she said she was wanting to interview a local family raising a child or children on the autism spectrum  to learn more about how their daily lives are effected by the disorder.

How it is different from a typical family dynamic?

What are our feelings on what causes autism?

Can autism be cured?  Should it be cured?

I assured her we would definitely give her the insiders view she was looking for!




Autism and the family: a mother speaks from Medill Washington on Vimeo.


I cannot say how happy I am with the way the video turned out. I love the pictures of the boys and how she truly captured their uniqueness and beauty.

The print story that accompanied the video featured many voices from across the autism community. My fellow blogging friend, Jean Winegardner, or "Stimey" as she is affectionately known, is also featured.  The story outlines various autism organizations that endorse the use of non-FDA approved "treatments" for autism and on the flipside there are parents like myself who are learning to work with the diagnosis instead of fighting against it.

You can read the print story for yourself here.

Many thanks to Jennifer Gerlock for referring Mary Beth to me and my family for this story.  My blogging community is all about supporting one another and I am blessed to have so many I call friends.

Behind the Mask Vlog #2: BACK TO SCHOOL!

What is a blogger to do when she can't seem to put her words down on paper?

DO A VLOG!

Today's vlog is in honor of the last weekend before school starts!

Can I get an Amen?!



Here's to a great weekend and an easy start to the new school year!

Crispy.

Lately I haven't been on the top of my game, feeling the love, pulling myself up by my bootstraps and all that crap we tell ourselves.

What I have been feeling is crispy.

Crispy is one step past burnt-out. Its worse because you're not just burnt, you're still actively burning.  Its a familiar feeling amongst stay-at-home moms and people with high stress jobs and responsibilities.  Its the recognizing that you are past burnt-out but you can't do anything to change it at the moment and so you put your emotions and your life on a kind of auto-pilot.

That is how I've been feeling for a few weeks now.

I know I have a number of things to blame for my condition but what it really comes down to is me.  I have to care enough about myself to start taking care of myself better than I have lately.

This means I need to eat less steak and potatoes and more salads and fresh fruits and veggies.  I need to get back into daily exercise because it makes me feel energetic and strong.  I need to drink less wine and more water.  I need to get my butt back into church and actively worship the God I owe everything I have to.

And the only person who can decide to do these things is me.

In the next couple weeks there will be some major changes taking place.  For the first time ever both boys will be in school for a full day.  That means that from 8:30 am to 4:00 Monday through Friday I will have time to show a little more love to myself.

I'll finally be able to read the dozen or more magazines I haven't opened in the past 3 months, I'll be able to write blog posts on a more regular (daily?) basis, walk/ run the 3 miles I used to before summer began, begin teaching myself web design (cause I'm cheap like that), and go to lunch a couple times a week with friends.

I want to look into ways to make money at this writing/ blogging thing I do.  I want to expand my horizons in the blog and media world and make a difference in the lives of other moms raising children with special needs.

And I know that those goals will be possible once I step off the crisp-o-matic and back into a schedule that gives me some room to breathe....and to be a friend to myself.

Old School Photo Friday: The 1st Day of School Edition!

We all know I am a total ham when it comes to photos. I adore looking through the archives of my screaming banshee life and pulling out some gems to share with all of you from time to time.

Who can forget this one? Or these? And that one!? Or sweet Mother of God this one? But by far my most embarrassing photo flashback has been my run in with Glamour Shots. 

And my readers can attest to the fact that I have no shame.

None.  Zip.  Zilch.

Especially when we are talking about old photos of me in all my awkward glory. Of which, I am ashamed amused to admit there are hundreds.

But the only thing I love more than embarrassing photos of me as a child is equally more embarrassing photos of my friends when they were growing up.

Thankfully, my bloggy-pal Dumb Mom and I are like two peas in a pod when it comes to a love of all things retro and hilariously captured on film and she has put a shout out on her blog, Parenting By Dummies, asking for a new batch of Old School Photos to be linked up.

This time she is literally looking for old "school" photos.  Our first day of school, to be exact.

I, of course, have many to choose from.  So, without further ado...lets bring on the awkward!

My first day of Kindergarten 1980

My first day of Developmental First Grade

Caryn's first day of 5th (or maybe 6th)

Molly was still at home with mom

My first day of 2nd grade

Molly's first day of Pre-K

My first day of 4th grade

Molly's first day of Kindergarten

Want to see more retro 1st day of school shots?!  Then head on over to Parenting by Dummies!  Want to post your own first day shots?  Then grab Dumb Mom's buttons (that sounded soooo wrong, right?!) and link up your post with hers! (that was almost worse, wasn't it?)

TGIOSPF!  

Thank God Its Old School Photo Friday!

My son's butt needs an exorcism

I feel like I have tried everything.

Pediatrician visits,
Behavioral psychologist visits,
visits to a GI specialist,
Miralax doses,
Double Fiber "Colon-Blow" breads,
Gluten-free diets,
Vigorous exercise,
Extra fluids,
Glycerin suppositories, and
prayer

EVERYTHING!

Well, not everything.

I have not tried giving him an enema.

This is mainly because he is so adverse to anyone touching his belly and bottom that I am genuinely afraid it would hurt him if I tried to restrain him and stick the enema up his bottom.

The last thing the poor thing needs is a perforated colon.

I feel like we are at the end of our crappy rope and I am left with few choices.

Which is why I am considering scheduling an exorcism for my son's butt.

I do not know what kind of evil, cruel, pain-inflicting spirit my little boy has up his ass but I am here to say that it is not welcome to stay any longer. It has tormented Noah (and me) for well over a year now and it is high time it moved on to someone much more deserving of this kind of torment.

Might I suggest Osama Bin Ladin? Never before has there been a man more deserving of an ass demon. In fact, our military should seriously consider an ass demon blitz as our country's newest weapon of mass destruction. It would be a literal attack of the enemy from the inside out!

I promise you no terrorist is going to feel up for working with high explosives and suicide vests when his insides are turned to a combination of cement and pop rocks!

Frankly, I just want my son to be healed of the constant pain and misery. Also, my wallet could really use the extra money I would save on not buying 2 jumbo packs of diapers per week, the myriad of diaper-rash creams, and stool softening products.

On a side note... Anyone know the name of the Patron Saint of Constipation? Cause I need all the help I can get.

Hoping for the best while preparing for the worst...or why you don't want to be caught dead without a will or life insurance.

Last week I was chatting on Twitter with friends when I noticed a group of ladies talking about the need for every mother (and father) to have both a will and life insurance.

Unfortunately, I have been turned down for life insurance four times due to a pre-existing medical condition but when it comes to my not having a will...I don't have any excuses.

Well, at least not any good ones.  Such as:

• I'm too young to need a will or live insurance.  Those are only for older people.
• I'm too busy.  I spend my days caring for my two autistic sons, the home we live in, and running the necessary errands needed to do both.
• I'm healthy.  Wills and life insurance are for people who aren't.
• I don't have a lot of money so who cares what happens to what I do have when I die?
• I can't afford it.  Lawyers are expensive and untrustworthy.  Why else would they have so many jokes about them?

 The fact is, all of the above excuses are stupid...and nothing short of reckless.

I'm too young to need a will or life insurance.  Those are only for older people.
This is probably the biggest misconception about securing a will and life insurance for yourself.  Neither of these is for your own benefit.  Simply put, these documents and policies are for the peace of mind and security of those you leave behind.
Your will is the document that gives your spouse, children, and/or family the freedom to grieve your loss without the added burden of guessing how you would have wanted your estate and final resting place decided.
As a daughter who was forced to make these decisions blindly with my sisters after our mother died unexpectedly I assure you this is far more important than you may know.

I'm too busy.  I spend my days caring for my two autistic sons, the home we live in, and running the necessary errands needed to do both. 
There are so many things wrong with this excuse...Some would argue that because my children are both disabled it is even more important that I have a will dictating who would be best to care for them after I am gone assuming their father has also expired and is not here to care for them himself.
I have often joked that due to the boys' extensive needs and the likelihood that they will require a similarly high-level of care as adults I am simply not allowed to die.  Ever.
Sadly, that is not the way life (or death) works.
Someday I will no longer be here to care for them and a will is my way of ensuring their next caretaker understands how to best meet their needs and that it is my desire that  they do so in a loving and nurturing manner that respects the boys' unique abilities and inabilities.

I'm healthy.  Wills and life insurance are for people who aren't.
The problem with this excuse is that it is only true right now.  In a split second it could change due to an accident or illness and then my husband, my boys, and my family would be left to sort out the details by themselves.  I love them too much to leave them with that burden.
No one expects to die young.  I never thought my mother would die of massive stroke 8 days after her 57th birthday.  Just last month I learned one of my high school classmates succumbed to ovarian cancer at the age of 31.  Sadly, these unexpected deaths happen every day and the only way we can prepare is to plan for the best of life while also preparing for the worst case scenario.

I don't have a lot of money so who cares what happens to what I do have when I die?
Your last will and testament is not just about your money (or lack of money).  It is about the dividing up of your property (jewelry, car, a house), your desire to be either cremated or buried, and guidelines for how you want your children or your pets cared for after your death.  It is also helpful to list where your important papers are located so your family does not have to tear your house apart to locate your bills and the paperwork necessary to sell your home or car.
Guess who got stuck doing that when her mother died?!  My sister's and I, that's who.

I can't afford it.  Lawyers are expensive and untrustworthy.  A last will and testament is surprisingly affordable.  Most lawyers charge a fair price because it is an excellent foot in the door for future legal work.  Plus, wills need to be updated often when there is any major life change such as the birth of a child, marriage, divorce, or the purchase of a large item such as a home or rental property and that lawyer certainly wants to be the one making all of those revisions for you.

There are online resources for creating a will.  I have heard good things about legalzoom.com and they charge $69.00 for a basic will.  $99.00 will buy you a basic will with the ability to make free changes for one year.

It is true that using a company online will almost certainly be cheaper than hiring a private attorney.  However, I prefer the face to face interaction of working with an attorney I both know and grow to trust.
This is the same reason I prefer my local insurance agent over an online company such as Geico or Progressive.  I want a person who knows me and my family when I call to tell them some jerk hit my car.  This is a time when you do not want to be known only as an account number!
Chances are very good that a private attorney will only charge a marginally higher flat rate fee for the drafting of your will over an online company. 
I am a firm believer that many times you get what you pay for and I am okay paying a little more for quality over quantity.

Ironically I happen to know a very good attorney and yet I have not had my will created.  This is because the attorney I know best also happens to be my ex-husband and the boys' dad, Bruce Godfrey.  Due to an obvious iron-clad conflict of interest he cannot draft my will.  However, he can refer me to another attorney he trusts and has done so.

No one likes thinking about the end of their life.  What we should think about is ensuring we do not leave our loved ones behind blindly picking through the pieces of our lives and second-guessing themselves in the process.

I like to think of my will as being my last gift to my loved ones.  It will be my last gesture of care for them after I am gone.

And truly, isn't that the one gift we would all want to give?

If you live in the state of Maryland or the District of Columbia and you have not had a will written I would urge you to visit Bruce's website at http://www.brucegodfrey.com or call him directly at (410) 561-6061.  
If you live in another part of the country I would advise you start with your state's bar association for referrals.  An excellent resource for this is  http://www.statebarassociations.org/
You may also consider asking your friends or relatives which attorneys they have used in the past and have grown to trust for their own legal needs.

Boundless Joy

When I watch my sons doing the things they love I see their true selves.

They are unencumbered and free.

There is no diagnoses.  No IEPs.  No limits.

There is only joy.

It can be seen in their smile and witnessed in their complete surrender to the tactile rainbow of feelings their joy creates.

When my sons are submerged in joy I can see life's simple truth laid out before me as if it were a blueprint.  Its message is so clear.

Crystal, really.

Life is not meant to be endured.  
Life is the simple moments.
The small things that catch your breath and leave you with a smile.
Life is about making each moment count.


We walk through our days stuffing the possibility for joy out of our minds and instead we talk responsibilities, deadlines, and appointments.

Meanwhile, my boys and those like them spend their days touching, feeling, hearing and tasting the joy we all seem to miss.

It is as if their autism has given them blinders to push out much of the "busyness" of life we find ourselves bogged down in on a daily basis.  Whether they are waving a colorful ribbon in front of their eyes, watching sand fall through their fingers, or laying on their backs watching the trees sway in the wind outside their window.  These sensory moments are like holding patterns for them.  It is their brain's way of slowing down the onslaught of information rushing at them from all around.  These moments are when they overcome the litany of chaos with the only thing that is stronger....Joy.

Last week I saw this exact thing happening while watching my younger son, Noah, swimming at our friend's home.  He would run and jump off the diving board again and again and again.  Each time I could see his elation at the free fall into the water mounting greater than the jump before.  It was then that I reached for my camera.

I snapped this photo just as his feet left the diving board.  His arms and legs flung backwards in total submission to the blue water below.  In his hand he held a cup filled to the brim.  You can see that his eyes were not on the pool below but high in the air watching that small cup of water. 

He was mesmerized by a mere cup of water in the midst of a great pool around him.

In my camera lens I  saw my son, boundless.  Both his mind and his body unconfined by his diagnosis.  He was thoroughly in his own element. 

And that element, my friends, was joy!

This post is part of SOYJOY‘s What brings you joy contest. Learn more here.