For those of you who may be questioning my morals and values you can put the pitchfork down cause I'm not going to actually show you my boobs.
Except I am.
Just not the way you were thinking, you perv.
Today I went to the radiologist and picked up my last mammogram and ultrasound films that were taken in December of 2008.
Clearly I am a closet Web M.D. medical pro so I came home and immediately looked at each of the films on my professional light box (AKA: My patio door).
Obviously I have no class whatsoever since I could care less if my neighbors saw my boobs. My husband on the other hand, may have other feelings about that.
This is my right boob.
The one that got me into all this drama in the first place.
Lets just say this isn't the first time my girls have got me into trouble.
One by one I looked at the films and tried to self-diagnose myself as cancer free. I may or may not have googled the phrase, "what cancer looks like on a mammogram" and the words, "breast calcification".
Apparently the radiologists report said I have a "solitary calcification" in my left breast which before reading it today I had not known.
It'd be nice if they had marked where the calcification is located.
Call me crazy but that little nugget of information might have been nice to pass along to me. You know, since I am the patient and the one hauling around said boobs.
But what do I know?
The report also said that my right breast has nodularity that is "probably benign".
Probably?
Last time I checked "probably" was not a scientific evaluation. Its also not the kind of word a patient wants to hear.
"Its probably not cancer."
Hey, here's a thought. Lets run a few more tests and go for a "HELL NO!! its not cancer."
THAT, my friends, is what a person wants to hear when they go in for a diagnostic test.
So, tomorrow me and my girls are heading to see a breast surgeon. This doctor is obviously a boob man and looks at, touches, and compares thousands of boobs a year. His hands and eyes are trained to look for cancer in breasts and then obliterate it.
No matter what he may find or what he might say the one thing I am banking on is that he will not use the word "probably".
