I'm going to see my doctor today.
I should have done this more than a month ago.
But I kept telling myself that its probably nothing and if I'm right then I've wasted a whole day confirming that fact.
But... If its something then I will kick myself for waiting and hoping it was nothing.
You see, its my breast. My boob is not working right.
My right boob to be exact.
Its always had a lump. It developed when I was 14 and the doctor said it was a cyst and it would probably go away on its own. Well, it hasn't.
18 months ago I noticed a hardening on a different part of that same breast. The doctor said it was probably nothing and sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound just to be safe. Both tests determined I had more cysts. Quite a few more. They said I should come back in 6 months for a repeat mammogram.
I didn't.
I was in the middle of a divorce, doing the single mother raising 2 boys with autism and working full time thing. I figured if something was really wrong they wouldn't have shrugged it off and said to just wait and see. If they weren't worrying about it why should I?
Cause now I have something to worry about.
In the past few months the same breast has become lumpier, it aches and I have a spot that feels like a bruise but no bruise can be seen.
And then there is the itching. It starts in my armpit and gets so bad that I use a hairbrush to itch at it. And its not the skin, its something inside I can't get to.
I know for a fact that this is not normal. Not at all.
I have too many friends and friends of friends who have had these same issues with their breast and it was always the same problem.
Cancer.
That is what really scares the holy hell out of me.
What if its cancer?
What in the world would I do then?
So, I went to the doctor and told her my family history with cancer. My great-grandmother who had breast cancer and either uterine or ovarian cancer on top of it. My dad who has survived two bouts of cancer. The first time it was testicular and the second, prostate.
I told her I wanted to rule out cancer. And she agreed.
She didn't send me for another mammogram and ultrasound.
Instead she is referring me to a breast surgeon. A surgeon who specializes in breast cancer. She agreed that what I described and what she felt was outside her realm of expertise and when we're talking about a problem with your breast you go and see an expert.
I called and made my appointment. I'm going next Friday to see a breast surgeon. He'll do an exam, look at my old mammogram and ultrasound and then probably want to run some tests of his own.
But I am really hoping he's going to tell me the girl's are beautiful, perfect, and despite having a bit too many stretch marks, absolutely normal.
But what if he doesn't?
