Sad to say this holiday is not one of my favorites.
Its difficult to see the beauty of a day devoted to mothers when the very mother you want to celebrate is no longer here.
My mom is in heaven and that both reassures me and saddens me.
Because I want her here.
I want her to call me "Angel Pie" like she did the last time I talked to her just 12 hours before she was gone. I want her to know her grandsons and to be the Grandma they deserve and do not have. I want her to meet my husband and see how he has made me so very very happy. I want her to tickle my back like she used to do when we were children (and truth be told, as adults too) to help us fall asleep at night. I want her counsel, her hugs, and her knack for finding the perfect dress in a sea of clothing racks.
But most of all, I want to lavish her with gifts, with my time, and do for her everything I always wanted to but will never get the chance.
Some of you know this pain...this longing as I do.
But, I know that there are dozens, hundreds, thousands and millions of you that are blessed with a mother who is here to be celebrated and adored this Sunday.
For some of you your "mom" may actually be a Grandma, or an aunt, or a childhood friend's mother who took you under her wing and claimed you as her own. Your mom may have given birth to you with her body or from her heart. No matter who comes to your mind when you think the word "Mom", "Mother", "Mama", or "Mommy". Make no mistake, she is the woman you call when the going gets tough and the tough want their Mommy.
So take some extra time this week and buy a card, order some flowers, splurge on the Godiva chocolates, and visit the jewelery store.
Or better yet...
Spend the day with her doing what she likes to do. For some that may be lunch at a restaurant with white linen tablecloths and napkins, or planting the summer herb garden, or going to see a movie.
What would I do if I had the chance to celebrate just one more Mother's Day with my mom?
I would write her a letter telling her how thankful I am for the gift God blessed me with that was her as my mom. I would make her an appointment at a luxurious spa and pamper her for all the times she pampered me when I was sick, when I fell and skinned my knees, and when my heart was broken and she was there to listen and offer ice cream as a solution.
Then I would want to sit with her and thank her again and again for shaping the woman I am today. For imparting me with her strength, and her love, and most of all, with her compassion.
I often question what kind of mother I would have been to my sons with their special needs if I had not had a mother to mold my heart around the desire to care for others before myself. I do not face the challenges of motherhood, of mothering children with autism, without the sure knowledge that I learned from the best.
She was not perfect, but she was perfect for me. Perfect for my 2 sisters. Perfect for every friend and boyfriend we had that ever walked through her door.
She was so perfect that apparently God had much more for her to do with Him than here with us.
And I can make peace with that a little more every Mother's Day.
