Frumpzilla is in the house

and I think she looks something like this:

Most days this is my official Wanna-be domestic superhero, crazy Mama, blogging-fool, Just Dance Champion uniform.  When I am not wearing my bling laden camo capris my sister made me you will find me wearing black Old Navy yoga or lounge pants.  My favorite shoes are Crocs and even if they are ugly as sin they are amazingly comfortable and I can snazz them up with some fun jibbitz.  I own limitless T-shirts that are all in some form of disrepair but considering I spend my days chasing 2 small boys, blogging, and dancing my butt off in an attempt to keep my Just Dance Champion title who the heck really cares?

But the thing is...

I don't want to look like a crazed sleep-deprived Mama when I go to Bloggy Boot Camp & MomzShare and hopefully (prayerfully) BlogHer '10.

Truth be told, I don't really want to look like that ever.

I want to be at a place where I am comfortable with me.  With both the reflection in the mirror and the substance of my soul.

A place where I can take a deep breath and just be.  Instead of heaping another pound of shame upon my already heavy-laden shoulders.

The thing is I don't know where that place is.
 
Is it located where I was three years ago... in a bad marriage, grappling with a second child diagnosed with severe autism, and running myself ragged in a 3 story house where I never had a moment to just be?

Is it where I was 8 years ago... suffering through infertility, a strained marriage, measuring borderline obese, and desperate for acceptance...both from others but most of all from myself?

Perhaps it is right where I am today... newly remarried and finally at peace with a man, splitting myself in 2 trying to care for 2 boys with 2 very different needs, strengths and weaknesses, weighing more than I like but less than I loathe, and finding strength in this newfangled sisterhood of blogging?

My closet is full of 12 years of emotions, skinny jeans, fat pants, and oversized sweatshirts.  I have sensible shoes, high heels, and a pair of walking out on a man boots.  I have gone from my days of head to toe black to fuchsia and lime green and then back again to the muted colors of submission to the daily grind.

I do not own a single pair of jeans that currently fit me.  I have everything at the opposite spectrums but my current 'average' seems to be anything but. 

I've pretty much had it with the Frumpzilla routine and I'm thinking its time for a change.

Thankfully this time I'm just talking about my clothes.

Are you at peace with yourself?  Do you find that peace has changed as you have traveled thru the different stages of your life?