This disorder is a silent killer. Its not about vanity and it doesn't affect only upper-middle class citizens. Its a psychological disorder that can be treated. But its not easy and its not cheap.
I know.
When I was between the ages of 14 and 15 I had anorexia. I was 5' 9" tall and at my lowest I weighed 92 pounds. My parents were in the midst of a separation and eventual divorce. Dad lived in an apartment and my mom started working full time. We never ate meals together anymore so no one noticed when I stopped eating altogether.
I would exercise 4 hours or more a day. I would do the aerobics shows on cable in the morning, go to school, come home and run a mile, then go to swim team practice for 2 1/2 hours. I ate less than 400 calories a day. Sometimes just an apple if I was feeling especially heavy that day.
I checked out books in the library about girls with anorexia. I wanted to get in on their secrets. I wanted ideas on how I could lose weight faster. It worked.
When I dropped to 102 pounds they kicked me off the swim team. It seems the year before when they were telling me I was overweight and "needed to drop a few pounds" they didn't mean quite this many. I panicked. I just lost a huge portion of my exercise regimen for the day.
I started back to school in the fall and nobody recognized me that first day when they did roll call. My hair had begun to fall out and I hadn't had a period in over 6 months. I looked like a boy. A very tall, sick, boy.
I lost friends because all they wanted to do was get together and go out to eat, or watch movies and eat, or go to the mall and eat.
It was that spring that something clicked. My swim team coach paid me a visit. He sat me down and asked me what I wanted to do with my life. What were my dreams? Where did I want to go?
I told him I wanted to grow up and be a wife and a mother. Just like my mom. I didn't want to go to college or become a doctor or anything like that. I wanted to have babies.
I will never forget the way he looked at me and said, "If you get any thinner, if you stay at the weight you are at right now your periods may never come back. You may never have any babies. You may not be able to live out your dream." and then he said, "You could die. I've seen it happen."
I can't say that that very day I changed my ways. I didn't. But it did put in motion a chain of events that lead to my eating healthy, regaining my position on the swim team, and my eventual acceptance with my imperfections...both the thin and the thick.
Eating disorders are about control. At least they were for me. When my whole world felt like it was spinning away from me and I couldn't grasp on to anything I found the one thing in my life I could control.
What I put in my mouth.
I was so enormously lucky (and I don't believe in luck). So many young girls and boys struggle silently with eating disorders. Chances are you can think of someone you know who either has in the past or does today.
All I'm asking is that you read Jenn's story about her friend and you read mine and you make the brave choice like my swim coach did and you sit your friend down and tell them you see their pain. You see them slowly disappearing and you don't want them to. Tell them they are valued, they are loved, and even if they don't believe it.....that their perfection is what is imperfect. Not them.
